Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Winterfell Pirates?!

Dearest Residents of Winterfell,


You all know how rarely I bother with addressing the shenanigans of outside forces and nations, but my attention was drawn to a truly disturbing occurrence in far off New Toulouse. 


It seems that an establishment known as the “Severed Head Pub” is suffering from some sort of larceny that relieved said establishment of its beloved mascot.  Further inquiries reviled that the mascot is none other than the severed head of Joseph Merrick (they refer to him as John Merrick, which is a common mistake) which has been somehow reanimated with dark magics to retain the semblance of life and has been known to, as I am told, cry out “I am not an animal! I am a man”.


Now, without getting into the particulars of how disgusting (really rather gross to say the least) we find it to be that someone thinks it is a good idea to have the reanimated head of this troubled man who lived his life with such dignity to be on display for the amusement of the public, I am going to get to the point about why I am writing this letter at all.  It seems that there is a rumor that Winterfell had something to do with the missing mascot.  It was suggested that pirates from Winterfell were connected with the crime.


This ridiculous rumor was obviously started by someone who has zero connection to or knowledge of Winterfell at all because the waters of Winterfell have been pirate free for years and years thanks to the hard work of Admiral Beaumont.


In addition to the absurdity of the rumor of pirates in Winterfell, the owner of the “Severed Head Pub” has returned the head to its shameful perch without explanation of where it was or how it was recovered.  We are left to wonder if this was all an ill colored publicity stunt and if the rumors of Winterfells involvement were equally manufactured. 


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